it’s slightly weird that i’m making a post for this album because i didn’t even make a post for heartthrob (actually i did on lj but that post was fangirly and way too weepy and generally not appropriate)
but then last weekend i sat through their entire headline set at coachella and even though i’d watched so many great sets that day when it was all over theirs was the set i remembered most, like throughout the entire set i just kept looking at thomas mars’ face and thinking, he looks so happy to be performing. which if you think about it, is a totally legit feeling to have when you’re playing THE HEADLINE SET AT COACHELLA
and the whole of this week i’ve had ‘listen to phoenix’ on my (imaginary) to do list because i haven’t actually listened to either bankrupt or wolfgang amadeus phoenix the whole way through since that set and i listened to both those albums this morning and ‘trying to be cool’ has been stuck in my head the entire day
and what i’m really trying to say is that listening to them makes me feel young and happy and free and their music is just so much fun bc i don’t even know what thomas is singing all the time except it sounds happy even though i know it’s not
like just look at this video it’s the epitome of what i’m talking about
tom is just sitting there totally chill but with this dopey look on his face almost as if in his head he’s like i’m playing to a crowd of a hundred thousand and r fucking kelly is rapping in front of me and it’s blowing my mind
(also the top youtube comment currently: “phoenix just legitimised my secret appreciation of r kelly” damn right they did)
what i’m saying is that after three years of regular listening all of a sudden i’m obsessed with this band and this new album is great and so much about them is impressing me
do my crying underwater i can’t get down any farther all my drowning friends can see now there is no running from it it’s become the crux of me i wish that i could rise above it
but i stay down, with my demons
-
when i walk into a room i do not light it up fuck
the national makes perfect music for late night alcoholism in the dark, even all the times when it’s unrelated to love
chaired at sdtc yesterday with new people and it was fun and exciting and this is why i like mun i think
then got the fuck out of there and headed to secondhand flea market at neil road and then had a bit of a freak out because i thought i lost my phone but really i’d left it on the display behind me
i really liked the poster/wish i’d bought clothes
then walked for rosti and i swapped out my water for a coke which was a decision i regretted later but well
decided to make the 45min walk back down maxwell & neil road to tiong bahru and at the traffic junction before pinnacle@duxton some girl in a car started jumping and waving at me and it was inez and she rolled down the window to quickly (breathlessly) say “i just had tuition!” before her grandpa drove off and as i texted her walking down cantonment road i couldn’t stop smiling
and the following series of texts transpired:
me: i’m walking from tanjong pagar to tiong bahru haha inez: are you v free or something lol me: lol fuck no i have a 1.6k tok essay due friday which i haven’t started but obv priorities
then i put on heartthrob and sang along to you never really loved me never really never really loved me loved me like they did at the junction of outram road and the cte and i don’t think that’s the first time i’ve done that attaching this song to this place and this feeling and it’s nice
dawned on me that it’s exactly a month to tegan and sara
hanging up the moon at booksactually it was good
this is a photo of them at soundcheck as instagrammed by booksactually
shoutout to the giant guy standing in front of me you may have gotten a hundred photos of them and a good view but none of the people behind you could even see the band
also peeled off the scab on my foot from the blister my heels gave me two weeks ago and there was only skin underneath i feel so proud of my body
yesterday, post that shitshow of a lit test: missing free cone day then eating and sweet shopping with simin then getting my yarn exchange yarn then nine hours of sleep, was good
hearing this in the middle of sleeping my way through salad and chem has got to be one of the weirdest feelings ever but it strangely works. the recorded version of this is so quiet and so delicate and if there’s any one song that should be listened to only on earphones, that can’t lend itself to space, it’s this. but it’s okay somehow, fitting, even, and it’s such a great festival song like goddamn look at this video, listen to the lolla 2006 version. ugh, my heart.
also. officiated my first wedding of two absolutely crazy people over muffins and it was great. my anxiety gets the better of me sometimes and i’ve become increasingly anxious lately but to be with some of the only people in my life who have never been anxious to the brink, for those moments of letting go, this is really really good. i’m so glad they’ve wormed their way into my life, really i am.
so this week - three alternate nights of walking down the back side of town to tanglin mall under vastly different conditions & all of them were special if not great
my anthems for a seventeen year old girl are turning into a triumphant playlist of cheesy taylor swift pop and club level edm with memories not actually connected to clubbing and songs which i am coming to realise have been in my life for almost four years and songs which i think might be in my life for the next four years
see also: the heady feeling of you forgot it in people at almost max volume in the semi-dark right before midnight
a timeline of everything that has happened in the past 10 hours (it is now 6.53am) 9.00pm: shut off alarm to continue sleeping. this is a bad idea. 10.00pm: get dragged out of mom’s bed 10.15pm: turn on my computer 10.30pm: slight anxiety begins, which is typical so fuck it 10.45pm: start programming code which i will later never use because fuck if it’s the only good thing about math port right now 11.16pm: anxiety gets to period levels and i can’t even listen to music without wanting to tear my hair out so i write this post about feeling anxious 11.40pm: decide it’s too hard to deal with being anxious so i go play some candy crush and shower 12.20am: get out of shower 12.30am: fucking most relevant gif on my dashboard 12.45am: decide i’m done with programming/it’s not like i can find a use for the simulations anyway 1.15am: anxiety hits a peak + i start getting scary crying shit without actually breaking down 1.20am: seriously consider calling people up to calm me down 1.25am: remember that there are steps on my safety plan that comes before bothering potentially sleeping people so i go read lj posts from 2011. it works. 1.45-3.00am: slow slow slow progress + crazy ideas 3.00am: done with skype/human contact. i grab coffee and go hide in my room with my sc jacket 3.00-3.10am: dance party to armistice/unwritten/hang with me 3.10-4.15am: remarkably quick progress occasionally interrupted by loud singing and dancing 4.15/30isham: ‘hummingbird’ appears on up next with a bunch of other slow songs and i let them pass because i’m going to sleep before i get to them 4.30am: final proofread 4.45-5.20am: fixing the goddamn printer and trying to get everything printed 5.00am: brush teeth 5.25am: decide that maybe i shouldn’t sleep but then realise that i haven’t slept in my own bed in a while 5.45am: fucking weird dream where i get bitten on my ankle and someone tells me everyone loses their math port once
statistics cups of caffine: two (only!!) hours of sleep: .5 number of times i failed candy crush level 125: 5
strangely appropriate music on gold 90.5 fm this morning diana ross//if we hold on together the carpenters//(they long to be) close to you chicago//you’re the inspiration
just for good measure: two years of math port tweets
